we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
