I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
