i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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