The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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