Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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