he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
