ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
