he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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