Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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