It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
