Come see our sink grown plant.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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