These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
