Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
