I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
