I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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