I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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