making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
