Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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