My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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