Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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