So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
