So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
