After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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