i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
