Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
