Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
