I must be too annoying 4 u.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
