I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
