just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
