My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
