Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
