my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize