Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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