its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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