Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
