jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
