If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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