just come out here and I will go home with you...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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