He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
