do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
