i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
