I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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