I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
