I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
