i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
