Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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