I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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