mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
