He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
