Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
