Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
