I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
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would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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