Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
