I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
