how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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