This girl is more easily done than said...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
