Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
