Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
