I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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