dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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