New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
