He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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