Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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