when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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