Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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