Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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