my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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