I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
