somebody snuck up and got me drunk
too bad you live with your parents still
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
