Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
