don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
