Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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