well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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