In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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