guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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