he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
