Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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