I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
