I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
